Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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