I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
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you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
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I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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