all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
why does every cop we meet know your name?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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