if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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