He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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