Swine flu. Run for my life!
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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