I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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