OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
