If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
