The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
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