As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
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Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
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I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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