Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
