i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
