So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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