What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
