if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
