rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
