apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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