You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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