He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
