I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Your cock deserves a montage
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
