Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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