So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
