Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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