Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
