hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
