you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
