I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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