Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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