somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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