WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!