Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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