He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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