And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
