We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize