Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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