Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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