Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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