your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
