I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize