If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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