i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
