I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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