ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
