I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
