I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize