All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Randomize
