i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
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Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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