im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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