his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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