Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
