remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
