what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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