just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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