My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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