did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
