I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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