I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
