Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I stole a fireplace last night.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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