Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
