Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
