oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Who died my cat blue again?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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