ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
