hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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